My Experience with Hospice, as a Daughter

I was 15 years old, during my 10th-grade year in high school, when I found out my father had been diagnosed with colon cancer. I had never experienced an immediate family member with cancer, and I had no idea what to expect. At first, my father opted for surgery to remove the tumor in his colon. It was a success. But a year and a half later, the tumor reappeared. When you are in high school, you are anticipating so many moments you’ve dreamed about as a young child. For me, it was my driver’s license, planning for college, prom, and graduation. It’s the time where you experience new friends, parties, and events. Those were all the things I was excited to finally experience in my life. The reality was those things would have to be put on hold and my life would change drastically.

Once the tumor reappeared, my father started chemotherapy and was told he only had one year to live from his doctors. During the first two years of chemotherapy, he still functioned normally. His schedule was waking up at 5 am, going to work (he was a General Contractor and Business Owner), arrive back at home around 3 pm, and begin preparing family dinner. He did this every day. It was impossible for me to see any signs of weakness because he continued to show strength. To others, he did not appear sick. It wasn’t until the end of the second year I noticed a decline in strength and changes to his appearance. He started to lose weight, his thick hair began to thin, and his skin tone started to look dull to me. It wasn’t drastic, but over time, the changes occurred. I as his daughter, started to change my perspective and began to finally accept that my father was struggling. I recall staying home 95% of the time. My friends decided to always come over to my home and be with me as well. I knew deep down inside my father enjoyed having me and my two best friends at home. He would hear us laugh, joke, and be silly teenagers and I believe it helped him feel alive. Most of my other friends were experiencing a different lifestyle. For me, I was at home, with the responsibility of looking after my 7-year-old sister because her mother lived in Paris. I had to grow up faster than I felt others I knew had to.

By year three, my father was not working as much. He still managed to run his business, but he wasn’t actively on the field managing his jobs. He was working from home mostly. We also invested in additional care by hiring a live-in caregiver. My uncle, who is a prominent doctor in Los Angeles, told me that the ending to my father’s life was coming. I didn’t believe it because I saw how long my father surpassed his own doctors’ advice. They said he only had one year, yet it’s been three years and he’s still alive. I knew my father still had a good fight in him and that’s what I chose to believe. In year four, I was beginning college and my father’s cancer spread throughout his whole body. He was now diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Again, I didn’t want to believe things could be getting worst, so I chose to ignore all the signs. I focused on studying, I started a new part-time job, and my time at home started to decrease. Adding more responsibility to my life allowed me to disregard the highest responsibility of me, being a daughter to my father. I didn’t know how to take care of my father or be around without getting extremely emotional. My father looked very weak, emancipated, and sick. All those things made it more difficult for me to be around.

It was now year 5 and my father had decided he no longer wanted to be on chemotherapy. He felt so sick being on it. I respected his decision but honestly, I was against it. I didn’t want to lose hope for treatment, and I feared his life would end much quicker without any treatment. I was shortly introduced to the word Hospice. Hospice I thought to myself? What is that? I did not know at the time what Hospice was. I researched everything I could on Hospice and built this misconception that my father was giving up. I thought, well that’s it and I was devastated. I remember the first day I was introduced to the case manager assigned to my father’s care. She was lovely, extremely understanding, and thoroughly explanatory regarding Hospice. She really assured me why Hospice was going to be beneficial not only to my father but to my family as well. I found myself slowly accepting the Hospice care because I built trust with our case manager.

Hospice came fully equipped with a professional team dedicated to my father’s specific needs. This included medical professions providing medical care and counselors/social workers providing emotional and spiritual support. During my father’s time on Hospice, I noticed a difference in him. He felt more relaxed, comfortable, and not in pain. I knew emotionally he was scared, but I could see his physical strength reappear. I never realized how hard chemotherapy was on him until I saw him without it. My father and I had great personal conversations during his time on Hospice. I remember playing his favorite music in the house and lying with him for hours. Hospice gave us these opportunities. I was so worried about starting Hospice, but I quickly realized that Hospice was the best thing that could have happened to my father and family. It gave my father dignity and hope during his final days. I do honestly believe that Hospice gave my father the comfort and control he needed the whole 5 years he was struggling with his cancer. On April 04, 2009, my father passed away, in his home, with a smile on his face.

I am sharing this story with you to assure you that Hospice can be misconceived at first but once you have the knowledge, expectations, and experience you will come to understand that Hospice is a wonderful choice in assisting a terminally ill individual. I will be forever grateful to the Hospice team that provided exceptional care and guidance to my father and my family. It’s been 11 years since my father passed away and I feel more connected to people experiencing the same thing I experienced. I am now 32 years old and work for True Care Health Services where we specialize in Hospice and Home Health care. Although I am not a clinician or have a medical education, I have utilized my financial skills and have become a financial director in an industry I feel connected to and proud to be a part of.